The divorce was not the child’s tragedy
Divorce is always negative experiences. And children perceive this event is not less difficult than adults. There are often situations when the separation of parents turning out to be a child’s depression, neurosis, sometimes it starts worse in school, to be rude, misbehave and become unmanageable. How to mitigate psychological trauma in the divorce?
For starters stipulate that the situation before the divorce in the family are different. If the father or mother practically not fulfilling their parental responsibilities, abuse alcohol, often raises his hand to the spouse and children, divorce is not likely your child will surprise and may even be received with enthusiasm. Remember how in my childhood, one girl told me about his father: “He’s a drunk, a nasty! Mom has filed for divorce. “About what parents split up, she hasn’t regretted.
Of course, there are exceptions: the child still loves the deadbeat parent and is very sensitive about the idea of divorce. It also happens that at the time of divorce, the family has virtually collapsed, and the couple have not lived together. Then the injury to the child, already accustomed to the absence of one parent may not be as severe. But sometimes the child is waiting for that dad or mom will come back, and the news of impending divorce takes from him the last hope.
The tragedy of the child the stronger, the more involved a parent who leaves the family, took in his life. He recalls how they as a family went for a walk in the woods, as my dad used to take him to the circus or to the skating rink, was taught to swim. And thinks that now they are no more.
Divorce he perceives as the disappearance of a loved one from your life, “the little death”
In Russia the children in a divorce are often left with the mother. How correctly to behave with the child, if you decide to divorce her husband? We often simply do not take the child into account, it seems he is still small and does not understand. Actually it can just keep your feelings to yourself.
Psychologists advise, if the child is in the age of reason (at least older than three years), be sure to discuss with him the situation. Here are some recommendations.
1. Do not lie to a child.
When a man leaves the family, many mothers begin to tell their children the tale that “daddy went on a long trip”. This will lead to the fact that the child will always ask when daddy is coming back, will be waiting for his return. Better tell the truth – that her dad won’t live with you.
2. Do not set the child against the other parent, as difficult as it is to you or given.
Because your ex-husband is still the father of your son or daughter. Do not tell your child that “daddy is bad, and he left us”. Explain that for various reasons you just cannot live together.
If a divorce occurs for the reason that some of you found a new partner, tell the child that “daddy is in love with another woman,” or, “I fell in love with another man” but not: “your dad left us for that bitch!” or: “your father is a jerk, so we now have a new daddy!” What love is, the child is usually clear, but the negative characteristics of his father, who he actually roads, can make it much to worry about, and it can cause serious psychological problems.
3. Explain to your child that after the divorce, dad will remain for him and dad is not going to disappear.
Tell me that although dad no longer live together, the child can refer to it at any moment, ask for help, the support that they will be able to meet, spend time together as often as you want.
4. Ask your ex-husband is also to talk with the child.
When parents divorce, children often feel alone and not wanted. They think that adults are only out for. The child is convinced that it “threw”, it can even be considered that dad left because of him that he was not good enough, etc. And it is very important to hear that both parents still love him, and he is an important part of their lives.
5. If the child perceives too painful divorce, throwing tantrums, insomnia, behaves inappropriately, do not expect that he will “get used”, “blow over”, etc.
Consult a specialist – a psychologist or therapist who will help the child cope with the situation. Otherwise, the psychological trauma can affect the entire life of your child and prevent him build his own family relationships.