Mothers and Daughters: how to build a trusting relationship?
Sometimes I dread to think what would have happened to me if I were born a man. How many nuances, shades, exciting music and paints would be unable to recognize. I was lucky to experience absolute happiness when they heard the voice of her first child, and a year later — dear daughter. Then, whatever happened, I remembered these sweet moments, and the problem lost its urgency. But recently, the impossible has happened — my adult daughter showed me a whole list of complaints.
Talk to me, mom.
daughters do not share
mom and unseen.
The impression is that only lawyers normal, and all the rest — losers. I’m not in fashion, nor in the pros. I love photography. Want to hitch a ride in the country. Popochku, make some money and I will travel to Greece — on Santorini. It was really fun.” And here is a touching recognition of Natalia Petrovna: “I was incredibly lucky. I can put my head on his mom’s shoulder and doze off. And she won’t let anyone bother me. In my youth I have been ill. Said I’m sick of her sermons that know how to live my life. She smiled and promised to think over my words. She gave me to speak out, even when I’m bullshitting. Only once did my monologue was interrupted: she became ill. Since then I think and when to tell mom”. But from confessions of shestiklassniki Lena I was scared: “I hate my mother. Especially when I remember how she poked me in the face torn school apron and shouted: “a queer Cunt, you’re thinking, how do I get the money. Will run ragged!”
Of course, we are all different, and each case is unique. In the sense that “my pain is always the biggest and unbearable”. No comforting words that someone even worse. Each goes to a Calvary. However, the answer to the question of why the pain is inevitable, is very simple: the people closer — the more painful their juxtaposition. And what they “odinakovie” (mother — a daughter, father — a son), the more difficult relationships. By the way, thanks to the ancient Greek writers and Freud we then color them and even sexual overtones. But rivalry is not the most important. Inability to properly Express their emotions and obsession — that is the main cause of all dramas and tragedies.
Any psychologist will tell you that caused my mother pain sooner or later will require an outlet. And, alas, it returns not only the offender. Often adult daughter all the accumulated anger of guides already on my baby. And the new generation repeats the mistakes the previous one. Until finally someone from the female line kind will not break the vicious circle. Just want to get rid of strong maternal “hug”. And not to stop with it all ties. Conversely, to preserve the love. To build relationships in new ways.
But it must choose not only the daughter but the mother. Unfortunately, the majority does not understand why her daughter on them offended. ‘re sure that everyone is doing for their own good, and peremptorily impose their views, tastes, preferences, their idea of happiness. And then wonder aggressiveness, sometimes even cruelty their favorites, who by this strange love forced to defend himself.
“My daughter ” ungrateful selfish. I gave her youth, health, even married the second time did not work, so as not to injure her. And she tells me about anything that didn’t ask me”, ” says Elena Petrovna.
Flamboyant businesswoman Alla rages: “I warned her, how this will end. Only I lived in a civil marriage five years and become pregnant, there was one, and she — six months. Now I have to work another and granddaughter. Incidentally, I was not sitting on the neck of their mother. I gave the baby to the nursery and went to work!” an angry parent of tenth grade and did not skimp on the emotions: “I got tired of saying the same thing: without education nobody wants you. And she though that! The day is sitting in chat. Not that the plate will not wash, she did not care for me!”
I think the claims of adult women compared to their daughters confessions sound, to put it mildly, ridiculous. Because, you see, the desire to be loved — a legitimate and natural. And to extort gratitude and humility — short-sighted and cruel. That is why most of the victims — the daughter. Especially over the past half century. And it begins V. was a Soviet hospital. When the Instruction of the Ministry of health was allowed to put the baby to the breast only 12 hours after birth. From the warm, safe womb the baby came on a cold, alien world, where he was immediately on for hours, if not days was taken from his mommy, vaccinated and fed knows what! This shock will forever be in memory, and even the best relationships in the family had saved the boys and girls from outbreaks subconscious resentment for experienced horror. For girls, this injury was often fatal and literally changed the fate. Because it is the most important thing — a sense of security!
This nightmare has gone through several generations, and only in the twenty-first century a newborn to breastfeed. Through the first drops of colostrum, through the warmth of the mother’s body the baby strengthens the bond with her mother, mounted in the womb. This link is going to help life. But it is especially important in the first five years. And for a girl twice, because at this time laid the Foundation of her happiness. No wonder the baby has always been taken to refer not just very gently, and just like a Princess. Incidentally, the word “girl” has a Sanskrit root “virgin”, which means “divine”. Not hence the saying “What a woman wants, God wants”.
Alas, we, the current mother and grandmother, not only drawn from the traditions of printing and wearable nedolyublennost, we are still ignorant and emotionally. And daily pours through on their children, problems at work, anger at parents and quarrels with her husband. But after all, young children perceive everything exactly and in real time. If mom said: “to keep up, you bore me!”, the little girl will not think: “I guess mommy was in trouble at work”. Every word she’d taken literally, that is, “I don’t need You. I don’t love you”. Therefore, we are responsible for every word daughter! And the first bill we will show, as soon as we enter into puberty. But if we fail to distinguish between what is the result of a hormonal storm, and that — the result of parenting mistakes, in the future the relationship will only get worse. So rejoice, dear, if the daughter is trying to figure out the relationship. She still hopes that he can get from you emotional protection and wise patronage.
Scientists have conducted an interesting experiment. Orphaned chimpanzee offered two dummy parent: iron with a device for feeding without milk and wool. Now, the baby almost all the time spent, clinging to the second dummy. Eat — and quickly to a warm, soft “Mama”. This confirms the paramount importance of emotional security for the child.
Unbelievable but true
I want to briefly recall two interesting phenomena. First — inexplicable, mystical bond between mother and daughter. Have you ever wondered why the girl after learning that she was raised not his own mother, is experiencing a real shock. She believes that she cheated. After all, since conception was set up on the wave of your biological mom. And suddenly it turns out that for years she had to listen to another “radio”! Even very good, but different. Indeed, mother and daughter interdependent life.