Mom, I’m scared!
Fear nothing, only idiots. But the life of a small child, every day associated with new discoveries, often fraught with fears. Experts share age and neurotic fears. The first completely natural at a certain stage of a growing child, the latter may hurt his psyche, if not to help the baby get rid of them.
In children under one year can be expressed fear of sharp sounds, as well as fear to be left without a mother even for a few minutes. The baby is not able to understand that mom can leave and come back, and takes care of the nearest person as something very scary. It was during this period of life is laid basic trust in people, so it’s important to understand the fears of the baby.
A little more age fears occurs in children from 1 year to 3 years. It may be the fear of loneliness, fear of the dark, fear of enclosed spaces. At this age also appear the first night terrors. Vivid events of the day, and most of all –
some unresolved things are reflected in dreams.
“If the nightmare comes to child Baba Yaga, some of his fears may be associated with the mother, if a Wolf or Koschey something with dad,” shares his knowledge with parents Svetlana Dedova, a practicing child and family psychologist Family center the Julia Gusakovskiy-Starovoitova.
These same fears remain aged from 3 to 5 years. They are amplified due to the fact that children at this age thrive develops imagination. To children’s fears had not received its development, is not recommended to leave kids under 5 years alone – even for a little while.
At the age of 5 to 7 years the child begins to fear death and everything connected with it, and to 7 years this fear most of all is that the death of his parents.
Starting to go to school, the child tries to be kind and good, it is very important to correspond to the new status, it is extremely important understanding and praise. And aged 7-11 formed another fear – fear of not being good.
To understand the behavior of the child will help the realization of his fears, which become more complex. Children over 11 years, on the one hand, strives to keep his individuality, being yourself, and with another – to be, to belong to the group, consistent with its values and norms. The need to be oneself is the desire to improve self that is inseparable from the anxiety, worry, fear to be themselves, that is, to become someone else, at best, impersonal, in the worst – having lost self-control, power over his senses and mind. Most often fear is not the fear of change. So emotionally sensitive, impressionable Teens are afraid of not only mental, but physical deformities that sometimes manifested itself in intolerance to physical shortcomings of others, or Intrusive thoughts about their own “ugly” figure, “ugly” facial features, etc. In adolescents also expressed fears of attack and the fire boys to the same fears of getting sick, girls – element and confined space. They are mainly of the nature of the concerns and in some way connected with fear of death, remind him stressed and focused in a certain way by instinct.
All – age fears that occur in almost all children. With the support of parents these kids fears away just as they appear, leaving no trace in the child’s perception of the surrounding world.
But neurotic fears is something completely different. These include, for example, fear to go in the water and the fear of heights, when a child is on the 2nd floor, as well as fear of the dark.
“A lot of children’s fears, the child borrows his mother from her words or her behavior. Neurotic fears often arise from parental intimidation,” believes psychologist Svetlana Dedova.
Transferred to the child in the form of neurotic fears may as General anxiety mom and various threats, punishments and prohibitions, which are perceived by the child very seriously.
Doctors and psychologists have long noticed that neurotic fears suffer the most are the only children in the family, who live in the metropolis. Most often all of the time moms are in this case given to a child, to care for him and to prevent his meetings with dangers. “Oh, careful!”, “Wait, don’t go there”, “Wait, I’ll help you,” the constant Hyper kid in a radius of a few square meters of the apartment subsequently leads to various kinds of fears. In the village is easier: there is the child more opportunities for exploring and learning about the world, even within the infield.
Of course, its role in the emergence of children’s fears play PC, TV, cartoons and even children’s books. Not to shape a child’s unnecessary fear, children aged 1 to 3 years not recommended to read a lot of “magic” fairy tales in which good fights evil. Much easier for kids at this age are perceived tales whose protagonists are animals.
Ages 3 to 5 years, when children begin to get to much involved in the first children’s cartoons and computer games, try to control their quantity and quality. “In addition, adopt a rule: if the parties have allowed the child to watch a cartoon, turn it off before climax to the child the rest of the day did not think, where will the plot of the cartoon and can good defeat evil,” advises Svetlana Dedova.
What to do with children’s fears?
There are several simple rules that are designed to help the child cope with appears in his fears:
– never leave baby alone with his fears;
– be calm yourself, because if mom and dad are not scared, they’re nervous, the baby will calm down faster;
– don’t think out for the baby his fears;
– help the child to “speak” fear. Common knowledge: when talking about fear, it diminishes;
– compose a story. For example, the child who worried about fear of the dark, you can give the “magic” flashlight that will help your child when he is scared;
– draw with the baby, his fears, and drawing, or tear it to shreds and throw it away, or make it good, pririsoval him a smile, a bouquet of flowers or something positive;
– translate fear into humor. Just do not overdo it: you don’t have to laugh at the child and his fears, and the child himself.