children family friend game help life people

Maternal instinct

So the children grew up and began an independent life. Passion against a breakout subsided, and you continue to live as if on two fronts — and caring about their “empty nest”, and taking to heart all the realities of the family and young. Thinking constantly: how are they, do they money? Trying the first chance to “pop” them Finance. And whether adult children financial support parents? And, most importantly, how it affects them: facilitates their start in life, or, conversely, inhibits initiative, permanently leaving infantile?

So the children grew up and began an independent life. Passion against a breakout subsided, and you continue to live as if on two fronts — and caring about their “empty nest”, and taking to heart all the realities of the family and young. Thinking constantly: how are they, do they money? Trying the first chance to “pop” them Finance. And whether adult children financial support parents? And, most importantly, how it affects them: facilitates their start in life, or, conversely, inhibits initiative, permanently leaving infantile?

Wanted as better, and it worked.

Here is a simple story of life my friends. In a family of three adult children: two sons and a daughter. All as on selection, tall, handsome, healthy, blooming. Family provided, and the husband is a highly qualified expert, works as the Deputy Director in a large firm, earns well. And indeed a lot of work often goes on business trips, trying for a family struggling.

But the children came out of the problem. The eldest son to study flatly refused, despite the entreaties and exhortations. But learned how to drive a car. And dad got him a driver in a company in which he worked. But one day the boy went about his business on the headmaster’s car and smashed it to pieces. Who do you think paid money for a broken car? Father.

The middle son is also not eager to learn. But my parents still insisted and placed him on paid Department. My parents gave, of course, father. He gave him a job in the firm in which he worked himself. Son for some time he combined work with study, but more interested in his own personal life. And after a short time, his parents paid for his wedding to pregnant girlfriend – the wedding limo, restaurant, lots of guests. Soon the child was born. A young family moved into a rented apartment, which, of course, was paid by the father. A year later, the son of divorced and returned to his parents.

During this time he married and the eldest son. The driver he was not working and was a sales assistant in the showroom. Parents also arranged a wedding on the highest level. However, this time already grumbled that he overspent credit card of his father, which were released for the wedding. But still cover the cost of the wedding after all. Six months later, this son left with his wife. And then – like a bolt from the blue — it turned out that the guy has done a bunch of debt, so much that it came to the bailiffs. It was not about gambling debts and not about computer games. Debts he gained gradually, all your “wishlist”. Only this time the father said to the son himself understood with his debts, and he does not intend to cover.

Only daughter turned out to be more independent. He graduated from the art University, I became a designer (tuition, incidentally, is also paid to the father). Starting from the third year, she found and carried out various orders, she tried to earn. Last year she married purposeful, ambitious guy. Apparently, the young family was serious and determined, and she wishes to build their future.

The Russians own mentality

In the West after finishing College or University parent house for the children, “closed”, they should start building an independent life. Maybe that’s why the people there grow up quickly and become financially independent?

no, parents should not in any way interfere in the lives of adult children — 9%;

– parents can help morally and financially, but within reasonable limits — 69%;

– parents should always help their children, what they can and 16%;

– more — 3%;

– no answer — 2%.

What are the motives of parents who provide material assistance to their adult children? That they wish to receive in return? Most often they want to feel powerful, important for their children. Yes, I do, imagine that children were addicted and were grateful for it. It turns out we you the money and you us — honor, respect and obedience.

Of course, this money can facilitate young people a start in life: to give an opportunity to get an education, to broaden your horizons. Besides, getting an education and not need to waste time on obtaining the means, it is necessary to do to others. And some reasonable and purposeful offspring may in future apply parental funds wisely — that is, not to spend it on the pleasures of the moment, and to put in the Bank or use other effective way.

But, as always, every medal has a reverse side.

Over time, parents get old, they get tired. And they don’t want to drag the children themselves. And those already accustomed to financial comfort, so throw them from the neck it is sometimes difficult, it is fraught with conflicts.

And the parents suffer from ingratitude on the part of children: those very quickly begin to perceive the constant help of parents for granted. And in fact, as they see their children are spoiled, infantile, selfish, bringing to life an inflated claim. Disappointment comes.

Children also are not in a better situation. On the one hand, they don’t need to worry about tomorrow, but the parent backup prevents adult offspring be on the wing, to fly and feel the joy of free flight, they have no incentive to grow and develop.

My friend 52-year-old Tatiana worked in Italy as a housekeeper in a Russian-speaking family. Good money (by the standards of the Russian province), helping her son and his family, on a monthly basis by sending them money. A couple of years Tatiana met a man with whom they had a relationship. The Deputy offered to her to leave her job and marry him. He was willing to provide financial assistance to the family of Tatyana’s son, but within certain limits. In a telephone conversation Tatiana told the son that is getting married and will now only send money to a grandchild. Son and daughter were unhappy, reproached her that she is selfish, only thinks about himself. Complained that they can not find a normal job. Threatened that if she will not send money to the same extent as before, she will not be allowed to talk with his grandson on the phone.

What should help?

Of course, to help children to the mind. Here are the most suitable areas of application of parental sponsorship. First of all, it’s getting a good education. Have the children graduate from the best school (what you can afford) and get a good profession. This will help them to find a high paying job, thanks to which they will be able to build their lives and achieve success in it. This is what is called to give a fishing rod and teach to fish.

You can — if possible – to help children in acquiring housing. (For example, before daughter or son built a separate hut).

You can provide financial support to grandchildren to pay for their studies at a good school, to give money for extra classes (music, sports, arts, etc.).

And in regard to the lusts, pleasures, then they have the children earn for yourself. Your cake sweeter!