How to build relationships-in-law and daughter-in-law
Today’s post will be a relay in it and I want to raise a very topical theme – the relationship of the bride and mother in law . I all the time avoided, but still dare to Express a few thoughts from the height of his twelve-year experience of the bride. It’s not much, but not enough.
-Mom, I do?
-No, not so.
-Well, now is it?
-No, not so.
-Well and how, how.
I don’t know how, but NOT SO.
One of the very few jokes about the relationship mother-in-law and daughter-in-law .
Our in-law relationships are long established and does not change. Looking back, I understand that in some cases I was wrong.
Perhaps my biggest mistake was that ill-conceived was the beginning of a relationship . All the tech itself, the circumstances were as evolved. Information about these very complex relationships, I didn’t even think to look.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law – it’s either love at first sight or dislike forever. A man can meet, to part, then rethink everything and to resume relations. With her mother in law second attempt will not be.
I often wondered why mother and son are very different relationship than mother and daughter . Somehow easier moms let their daughters free floating than sons. Maybe mom and daughter easier to feel an emotional connection than mom and son . Mom gets a lot of evidence that her daughter loves. Frequent calls, emotional conversations, animalogy-kisses when meeting etc. The man will not talk with mom for half an hour on the phone every day to resort, and all these kisses-animalogy is also not a masculine thing. Here and mom trying all sorts of ways to obtain confirmation that their children are loved and remembered, want to strengthen the emotional bond with the man, who remained for them a child.
I started to read about the relationship mother-in-laws and daughters-in-law, when, as they say, it was too late. And it was to be done prior to the first appointment with this important in the life of every family woman . Perhaps things would have been much better.
In connection with the raised subject, I want to tell you about one amazing man, a former work colleague . This is a wonderful mother, wife, daughter-in-law, just a very open and emotional person.
Now. Somehow after another situation with her mother in law, I was so hurt and offended that I just wasn’t myself. At work, it is, of course, have to hide and smile to all customers. In General, no one noticed. In addition to her. Let’s say her name is Olga. She came over and asked what was wrong. I tried to roll, and the situation was not for outsiders. She smiled and offered to go for a smoke together. Although, I don’t smoke, agreed. The conversation stuck with me for life. At first, I, as expected, bitching to her neckline and then asked, what’s her relationship with her mother in law. She said that when my husband is not going well and she thinks she’s right, then goes to mother in law, says in a joking manner the situation, trying not to hurt her son . And at the end he adds: “Mama, talk to him, please, because it will be something bad. I can’t explain it. Maybe you, as a mother, will be able to get through to him”. And according to her, the mother-in-law in such situations (if she is really right) explains to the son of our female stuff and helps to resolve the issue.
Here it is, one of the keys! As they say, the power of a woman in her weakness . And it works not only with men but also with the mother-in-laws, and I think that with other people too.
Show-in-law that you’re weak and can’t do by myself, without her help, to solve the situation. To ask for help. To make it clear that it is a very important man for his son and can reason with.
Of course, the situation may be different, it’s not a universal rule and not in every case, this solution is suitable. But in some cases it’s worth a try.
Very much depends in these relationships and husbands . Somewhere online I read about how the guy introduced my mom and future wife. All of this kitchen he knew and was afraid mom and wife nabolaget. And he introduced them like this:
“Vic, this is my mother. I love her. If you love me, you must love her too. Mom, it’s Vick. I love her. If you can’t love her, I’ll be the most miserable man on earth.”
These words startled both women . None of them wanted to make the unhappy man whom she loved, and each tried to make the relationship good. The paradox is that the family unit has disintegrated. But the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has maintained a good relationship and communicated even after the divorce.
So introduce the bride and the mother of a very few. Not to say that this man was the only one. But it seems to me that such words must say always! This short phrase fits what many are not able to formulate words, and what is written entire books on the psychology of family relations.
And what says the great mighty Internet?
I read a lot of forums where the girls are, and often men, discuss the relationship daughters-in-law and mother-in-laws. But sadly it all. Remarks sharp, categorical decisions, a lot of sharp corners. Everything is clear, pent up from those who wrote. Only information for comprehension in such forums is not enough. It’s more like the need to talk. Article psychologists have merit, but I got the feeling that this is some theoretical speculation. Like a school essay. To apply failed.
Caught my attention a blog “Sokrovishcha”. Attracted by the fact that this is not a blog practicing psychologist and not a forum about sore, and the blog is a living person, young mother in law, which seek to be a good mother-in-law, mother and grandmother, shares her thoughts, problems, solutions. And though this is not a professional resource, but for some reason I want it to stop and read. More such brave women! I think it would be very useful to us, daughters-in-law, to read how the situation see our dear Sokrovishcha! You look, and meet somewhere in the middle…