Greed in children
The first social contacts of the child occur on the Playground, when he finds himself among his peers. Here we find that one kid willingly shares toys and the other does not even allow to touch his property. Parents wonder who he is greedy?
In our traditional culture of greed — one of the most despised qualities. In Russian fairy tales generous character always wins and the miser is punished. Even seemingly positive Ant from the famous fable, causing many children to the protest. “Ugh, how disgusting! Dragonfly he died! Want more about him to read!” — was indignant when my little daughter.
Children can forgive anything, but not greed. Remember how in school the guys mocked greedy boy Vanya — he’s always shaking over their simple belongings and just physically no one could share a pencil or a sandwich. In high school the girls began to feel sorry for him, but Vanya is unlikely to feel better for it. ‘s a shame, mixed with a slight contempt, is not the same feeling, which you expect from peers in 15-16 years.
Probably each of us, digging in the memory, will remember such examples. Still, if your child is jealously guarded his toys or crying bitterly, when one of the children will snatch the chocolate from him, do not rush to write it in incurably greedy. With extensive experience of working with children, can reassure parents: greed is rarely an inherent trait. More often it is a “red flag” that unconsciously exposes the child, unable to cope with those or other psychological difficulties. Consequently, the task for adults is to identify the causes of these difficulties and to help children to overcome them.
And what can be attributed to the causes of the so-called greed?
The first reason: deprivation
It has long been observed: from orphans living in orphanages and shelters, the increased need for sweet. And not because they have some features of metabolism. Sweet a consolation. Children are trying to sweeten the bitter pill of loneliness, lack of parental love. In psychology this lack of love is called deprivation. Moreover, the child can suffer from it not only when he has no parents. Deprivation often experience and those children whose mom and dad have, but an emotional connection with them is broken. This occurs most often when the parents by virtue of employment or other reasons little to do with the child, having subcontracted this is an important lesson, grandmother or nanny. In such cases, toys, donated by parents, children can use them consolation, and they don’t want to cede their property. And people perceive it as a manifestation of greed. To expose and shame the child in this case cannot, it will lead to even more neurotic. Only under exceptional attention, love and care will be able to overcome an acute sense of ownership, and greed will disappear like melting snow under the rays of the sun.
The second reason: jealousy
Very often the child becomes greedy, when the family has a brother or sister. And, as a rule, not immediately, but after a year or two when Junior finds freedom of movement and begins to reveal the character. Adults do not always understand the reason for the sudden greed an older child. Sometimes many mothers and fathers believe it is quite natural that the eldest child does not admit to his younger toys. He was screaming and tears rushes to protect them — because the child may break a plaything. And only when the family starts constant scandals and fights, when a senior doesn’t want to “sacrifice principles”, the parents realized it. But in this case they will have to fight not with the greed of a child, and with his jealousy.
The third reason: unsatisfied thirst for leadership
It would seem like you can become a leader and share with peers such nonsense, as an Apple or a bear with a torn ear? However, many ambitious children imagine the coveted leadership is so: the main one is the one to whom all is permitted, and he don’t owe anybody anything. So greed gives the child (of course, in their own eyes) incredible significance.
Five-year-old Mitya with all their little force tried to command his family. And they resignedly obeyed this. “Give him what he wants, just tell him to quit yelling”, — such was the motto of adults for several years. And Mitya firmly grasp this simple rule of the game. As he gets older he wanted to exert power on other people, outside the family circle.
“He is ashamed to walk in guests, — complained the mother. — On someone else’s birthday he rakes up other people’s gifts with a cry of “Mine!”. To approach the impossible: will roar or fight”. Even on the anniversary of his beloved grandmother Mitya scandal, stating that all gifts to give to him alone. Further observations of the child showed that he has serious psychological problems. The psychologist helped MiTo out of the role of a domestic tyrant, but asked parents to be especially careful with the child, given his leadership tendencies. Another advised as often as you can to praise him for his kindness and generosity towards other people.
In these children it is important, on the one hand, increase resistance to stress factors, and with another — in a harmless, metaphorical way to show the absurdity of their behavior. For example, make up funny stories about greedy children or animals. Or have a puppet theater, where you can lose a similar situation. But to finish scenes definitely need the correct model of behavior in which generosity is the norm. Then she gradually becomes a skill that is firmly entrenched in the subconscious, and in any situation, even under stress, the child will act as appropriate.
Reason four: errors education
Vasin father focused on the job, having subcontracted fully wife raising her son. But the conflict that arose in the family, forced him to seriously think about.
After the holidays the house was started repairs and paying with masters, adult “stranded” — ran out of money. Until payday, however, remained a few days, but had to survive. Really borrow from neighbors?
— Take will not, taking money from Bob, he has a full piggy Bank — offered wife. — His birthday gave money, and after the first class, too.
Dad was happy, but the joy was short-lived. Pout that appeared on the person of the son, did not promise a happy ending. However, then Bob relented and said “Okay, take. Will only pay with interest.” The father was shocked, but Bob didn’t react. Indeed, all commercial institutions, all banks, the activities of which the boy recently was interested in, lend money at interest, and nobody is outraged. Yes, and my mother encouraged this interest, considering economic education is very promising,
Many computer games and favorite Vasina Board game “Monopoly” taught the same thing. However, in this game VAS was to play hard, but mom helped take bills drawn and the eyes of a child “cranked” favorable financial operations.
And at school they all do
High school students even write off give for the money — tried to intercede for Vasya mom, but poligrafici father abruptly said “goons” and without washi enough and he would not suffer his son “put it on the counter.” Good thing my mom soon realized his mistake. So usurious career boy is over really before it began.
When these stories happen with younger children, adults find it amusing, because the situation looks quite comical. Some secretly touched: say, loggerhead kid like this in our world is not lost. But learned in childhood behaviours are stuck in the subconscious is especially durable. And when my parents realized it, and it usually happens in those cases when the boomerang returns, getting into them, the child is already difficult to re-educate.
So I want to give advice as an educator and psychologist: do not go overboard in introducing “market economy”. They take everything literally, and such a defect as children’s greed, are going to blossom, influencing the formation of personality.
So, the greed, from nature or from birth and is very rare. In almost all cases known to me, together with the elimination of the child’s psychological problems at the same time disappeared and “pathological greed”, which both parents complained, considering it is the original blemish.
Of course, everyone is different, and the difference between the characters is manifested early. Some children are ready to distribute, while others quickly become attached to things, like something to gather, to collect. However, even in cases where the child is the composition of his nature predisposed to hoarding, it will not necessarily grow up to be greedy. If from early childhood to set the baby on a wave of kindness and empathy, but not demand the impossible, the child will grow just lean man. And it’s not so bad.