Great if your adoptive parents of a student you like. If you see them as intelligent, loving, responsible people with whom you can discuss and solve problems. But what if not?
If they seem frivolous, or bad, or irresponsible, or immature. There is, unfortunately, a stereotype: foster parents of orphans must be perfect, sort of Parents. Young and healthy, but experienced and wise. Successful and prosperous, but has a lot of free time for the child. Kind and gentle, but capable of setting boundaries. All understanding, always knowing what to do, endlessly patient and always ready to cooperate. But if they are not (tell you a secret – they’re never, because these people just do not happen), we got ready righteous indignation: and why only child they have (version: and once gave them a child?).
No surprise that a child takes to school and takes the elder brother is normal. If the same happens to foster, certainly there is someone to say: “They put the child on eldest son, they themselves do not.” When we see grimy own child, we think, “Here piggy, as peremazalsya!”. When we see the same reception, we were thinking, “Poor girl. Him not watching”. If your parents are not the usual mom – think: “Perhaps from work are unable to leave or unwell”. If reception: “Why was it necessary to take the child, no time even for the congregation to come, learn, how is he doing?”. And if we remember that the parents in the waiting room and in foster care salaries for the upbringing of the child.
It is not always spoken, but implied, is the background – almost always. And it is very effect on the attitude to the foster parents, neighbors, acquaintances, teachers, doctors, employees of bodies of guardianship and even some specialists services family unit. Behind it and humanly understandable desire of others to compensate the child transferred trauma really happy childhood with wonderful parents, and peculiar to our society perfectionism, that is, setting “if not perfect is better than nothing at all”. Is that a sin to conceal, and unconscious desire to shift the responsibility from himself to the adoptive parents – to say, “said penny,” so come on. And again I will write in his diary: “Take action!”.
The matter is complicated by the fact that adoptive parents often give reasons for dissatisfaction. They are experiencing a lot of stress, especially in the period of adaptation of the child in the family, sometimes not have time to rest and recover, they have a many small and large problems and conflicts in his own family and immediate environment. You would think that the biggest problem is that Bob still doesn’t know the multiplication tables. And his foster mom this morning heard from his own son (husband, mother): “Choose between me or your Vasenka!”. And this in a period of adaptation happens, the family is difficult to accept a new member, he enters her with clashes and conflicts, even if initially all were in favor. Imagine that happening now the soul of this woman? And she is about the multiplication table. At best she will respond inappropriately and you will come to the conclusion that she’s a little odd. At worst. You know, people in this condition are extremely sensitive about any criticism in your address or the address of the child, and even quietly commented may cause an emotional outburst.
In addition, about half of foster parents – people who had never had children. They are particularly difficult, especially as the training of foster parents until it became compulsory and universal. Imagine yourself in their place: they have got largely already formed man, whom they knew since birth, has not had time to get used to it, to know his character, to understand him. Native-sometimes we don’t know what to do, and then – cat’s in the bag, someone else’s soul – darkness. When this soul will become native and clear, and now parents themselves are baffled by his behavior, themselves frightened by a terrible assumptions from the “it’s his genes” or “maybe he’s crazy”. This intensive course parenthood requires enormous emotional strain forces, which, of course, can not affect the reactions and behavior.
Sometimes, children take people with difficulties in communication and it is therefore not gained at the time, family and relatives children. They can be categorical in his judgments, too demanding or overly soft, dependent, indecisive. Of course, it is difficult for them to cope with the child, it is hard to enter it in the box, to make contact.
In General, reasons why adoptive parents your student may not like you very much. It is important to remember this. We have no perfect parents for all of the tens of thousands of orphans who need a family. And child much better to have parents, though not perfect, but ready to help him, than none at all. Even if they do not attend all parent meetings, not buy the required textbook, you forget to check the lessons will not have time to prepare uniform for the holiday, they give the child so much that you even can’t imagine. So let’s just try to support them, to establish contact with them and cooperation. Communicating with foster parents, consider the following. Try to listen to them. Sometimes they really want to talk to someone about the child, to consult, to talk about their observations. Because you are the teacher, and authority that can enhance or reduce their anxiety. Your every word is especially important.
• Always celebrate the successes and achievements of the child tell his parents about them, preferably in his presence.
• Do not “ship” is absolutely necessary their claims and remarks. If the child get in trouble at home, he will behave better in school.
• Do not transfer to them the responsibility for the child’s behavior. If Roma goes to class during the lesson, it’s your problem, not his mom and dad. If She does not change one’s shoes in shoes this have something to do you or the school administration, not Kushina parents. Their goal is to have girls this Shoe was good looking and the right size. They can talk to her, explain why it is important to change shoes. But to achieve this only you can. School is your territory, and the behaviour of children respond to you.
• Trust them, listen to what they say. Still, parents spend more time with the child, know him best. If they are asked to support the child, and you think that it is necessary to heel (or Vice versa), take very carefully to their words. Perhaps they know better.
• Any parent wants to be sure his child is safe when there is no father and mother. Give foster parents to understand that you are not allowed to hurt their child that you control the manifestation of child aggression and not hurt the children themselves.
• Ask how they cope with any difficult behavior, share your pedagogical findings. Coordinate their goals and actions, but don’t try to solve all problems at once. For example, you can put the task up to the end of the quarter to help the child learn to record homework and always have in the portfolio is all that is needed. Discuss how you will be first to help him, and then gradually turn over control of the child and maintain his independence.